For as long as I can remember I have struggled with perfectionism and self-doubt. Anytime I feel like I’m not perfect, I want to quit. Combine that with my bad temper and it was not a pretty combo when I had swim meets, horse shows, or gymnastics meets growing up. I was always throwing something and storming off when I didn’t do my absolute best. Recently, this has started to bother me more and more. I started looking for people in the bible that also struggled with this to assure me I wasn’t alone.
*If you’ve got your bible, jump to 1 Kings 19*
I bring you Elijah. He majorly struggled (thank you elijah! I’m NOT alone!) with self pity at a point in his life. Elijah also lived in a time similar to now where many different religions were welcomed and people had a hard time knowing what religion to believe. Long story short, Elijah proved God was real with a physical fire when no one else could prove their god’s were real. He thought for sure he had hit the jackpot with that trick, but no one gave a shit. It crushed him. What seemed perfect, wasn't.
Elijah was a great prophet, but felt like such a failure after that. He went and sat under a juniper tree and asked God to take his life. I stopped in my tracks when I read that line. If you know anything about juniper essential oil, it helps promotes feelings of positivity, promotes healthy sleep, and overcome feelings of fatigue. Elijah was exhausted and had given up on himself. How interesting that he would sleep under this particular tree where he would be inhaling those essential oils. God has such an amazing way of knowing how to place you exactly where we need to be. What a perfect tree for him to sleep under; Elijah needed sleep AND positivity. Elijah awoke to an angel that fed him and gave him a drink.
Instead of giving Elijah what he asked for, death, He sent him to the mountain (a mountain not that far away that took Elijah FOREVER, because he must have been disobeying and wallowing around in self-pity). On that mountain Elijah saw hurricane, earthquake, and fire…but God was not in those. Those would’ve been to obvious.
“And after the fire came a gentle whisper.” 1 kings 19:12
God came in the whisper, not in the wind of the hurricane, or the earthquake, or the fire. As my mom likes to say “God came in the back door.” Elijah told God he had worked so hard to live his best life but still didn’t feel it was good enough. On the mountain God told Elijah that he had his eyes on the people instead of the Lord, walking by sight and not by faith. Elijah had lost his faith in God’s plan. Elijah thought he knew God’s plan. In the words of the great Tim Keller "He had put God in a box." Its easy to get depressed when we think we know what God’s up to, right? That creates expectations. Of all people, you’d think the great prophet would trust God’s plan! It goes to show that we ALL struggle with trusting God, even those with gifts of prophecy, none of us are immune.
God can see down the road and knows how this will all turnout for his glory. Trust the Lord and wait patiently for His will. Listen for him in the whispers. He had important things planned for Elijah and He has important things planned for YOU. Perfectionism will never tell you that you are good enough. Trust God to take you to the mountain, just as broken as you are. He will feed you, give you rest, and remind you His plan is greater.
if you follow me on social media, you already know i spent last weekend in san diego with my mom and sister in law. my mom had been planning to take elizabeth on a trip for a little while because she does so much for my brother and if ANYONE needs a fun vacay, its elizabeth. mom asked if i wanted to come and i told her it probably wasn't the best time for me... then three days before they were about to leave the FOMO set in and i couldn't fathom missing out on a city i had never been to. i decided to go on tuesday and we left for san diego on friday.
the older i get, the more i get to know myself. i've realized that i really enjoy trips more than i enjoy stuff. i couldn't tell you what i got for christmas three years ago, but i'll never forget our trip to new york this year that we got instead of gifts. don't get me wrong, gifts have always been very high on my love languages....BUT quality time is #1 (if you don't know about love languages, you can learn more here. take a quiz and find out what yours is!) and if cancer teaches you anything, it teaches you whats important...
i have the literal greatest husband in the world and he told me to take the trip. so we left at the crack of dawn on friday and thanks to the GLORIOUS time change, we landed in cali at 10am. we grabbed our rental car and headed to lunch. being the typical green personality i am, i had outlined each day's activities because i was with two blues and i knew that shit was NOT going to get done with them (if you are wondering what on earth i am talking about, the color personality quiz is here ... it will change your life..ps. can you tell I'm a psych major?) we started with lunch at coasterra and the food and view was amazzzzzzzing plus it was close to the airport!
after lunch we got all checked in at the pendry ...we spent at least an hour just walking around it and taking pics. IT. IS. TO. DIE. FOR. but really the only thing you need to know is that they have a champagne vending machine. do you honestly need anything else?
i could literally make a whole blog on the hotel. it was a FEAST for the eyes. its like walking around in paris and just thinking "yes. yep. absolutely yes to that." just flawless design and SO inspiring. one of my favorite things was the juice they have in the lobby. each day they give you a code phrase and your take your juice to the bar with the code phrase (like "take me out tonight!") and then they add your favorite liquor to the juice FO FREEEEEEE.
next up was the cat cafe...yep, a coffee shop where you play with adoptable cats. great concept! gotta love people thinking outside the box. outside the box was kind of a trend in san diego. everything was such eye candy. it didn't seem like anyone just used builder grade anything. everything was extra. so much attention to aesthetics. places that are cool in knoxville would just be normal in san diego.
when we saw it getting close to 5, we headed to polite provisions (huge shoutout to thehollyday for this amazing rec. ps. follow her travel blog because its amazing.) mom and i went for the "layover in paris" drink (absinthe, grapefruit juice, pamplemousse, rosé, sparkling water, blackberries, and raspberries. it was just as delicious as it sounds. this place was ADORABLE and those taps are for cocktails, not beers. JUST YES.
we left and headed to starlite (another thehollyday rec!) for dinner. dinner was great! i had the mac and cheese. the atmosphere was just as great as the food! loved this spot. per san diego usual, lots of extra attention to detail in the design.
so saturday morning, we started off with coffee and vegan donuts at dark horse coffee roasters. truth be told, this was one of my favorite "meals."
after breakfast we headed to the farmers market in little italy and then jumped in the car to hit the coastline. we did ocean beach, pacific beach, and la jolla.
this was SUCH a great day. i think traveling cali's coastline might be one of my favorite things to do. i loved ocean beach! pacific beach was not really my jam and had WAYYYYYY too many people. la jolla was really pretty and it doesn't get much better than being able to sit directly beside wild sea lions (who needs sea world and the zoo?!?!) we had lunch in la jolla at the lot which is a restaurant and also a movie theatre (weird, right? except also really outside the box and i love that)..my food actually kind of sucked but i think i ordered the wrong thing. i left lunch and grabbed a green juice down the street. we ended the day on sunset cliffs with a bottle of chandon. i would say it was a perfect ending except during the last pics we were taking on the cliffs a lady sitting behind elizabeth said "excuse me, you're blocking the sun!" y'all. my inner redneck about came out. i wanted to say "then stand your ass up! and what makes you more important than her!?" but i bit my tongue and opted for "i thought the sun was for everyone. huh? guess its just for some people." as elizabeth basically RAN away...haha!
after sunset we ate a great dinner at the hotel (in provisions) and headed to bed because whale watching was early the next morning...and y'all. whale watching was sooooo much fun. i'm usually really anti touristy things. but the boat was not very crowded and it was SO COOL. we saw 3 grey whales, sea lions, and tons of pacific white-sided dolphins. the grey whales are headed down to have their babies in the san ignacio lagoon on mexico's baja peninsula. its a SEVEN THOUSAND MILE trek (longest mammal migration on earth) for them to go from alaska to baja. they follow the coastline about 3-4 miles out and this time of the year is a great time to see them heading south. the whale tours hadn't seen any heading north yet. dying to go to the lagoon next because the whales swim up to the boats and show off their babies basically begging for you to pet them (SIGN ME UP!)..if you love animals, do the whale watching in san diego. we did the flagship whale watching cruise and i would highly recommend it. they have an indoor area if you are cold, they sell drinks, alcohol, food, and motion sickness medicine on board. there was plenty of room for everyone and i never felt crowded. i also really appreciated their respect for the whales. at one point they felt like too many boats were crowding the whales and they turned the boat around and headed a different direction. the dolphins would swim toward the boat when they saw us. i LOVED that.
after the whale tour we got some matcha at holy matcha and y'all. OH MY GOSH. what i would do for a spot like this in knoxville. it's like a coffee shop but only matcha. and if you're like "what the hell is matcha?!" its the green tea leaves that are ground into a powder. its then whisked into hot water. this way you get all the benefits of the leaves because you are consuming them! you can read the health benefits here. the benefits are NUTTTTTS you guys. i've been slightly addicted to match for a year or two.
last, but not least, we took the bridge over to coronado. the houses there were ADORABLE. i could totally live there! we ended our trip with dinner in little italy. our dinner was mediocre. but the trip was fantastic! thanks so much to my mom for making it happen and for my sweet hubs for keeping the kids so i could go!
so yesterday cal and i were talking about how OVER granola bars for breakfast we both are. i was like "man, i'd give anything to eat those starbucks egg whites for breakfast everyday." cal agreed and encouraged me to try to find a way to make them. so today, as i sat in the bathtub, i ordered groceries to be delivered (THANK YOU INSTACART!!!!!! and if you haven't tried it yet, here's a coupon for $10 in free groceries, or use code "HDAVIS2B61E2" ) and an hour later they were here. (p.s. you can and should waive that 10% service fee at checkout, it does NOT go to your shopper).
so i started by googling what was in them. it seemed pretty basic. what did not seem basic was cooking sous vide eggs. something about putting the egg in a bag while you cook it?! i dont know. clearly i'm not a chef and have no idea what "sous vide" means or even how you say it. but i knew you could make eggs in a bowl in the microwave because i remember my mom doing it for us when we were little. so i decided to try to make them in mini baking cups. this recipe was perfect for 24 mini cups.
WHAT YOU NEED TO MAKE 24 MINIS:
- 1 red pepper
- 1 cup of shredded cheese (optional)
- 1/2 cup of chopped spinach
- himalayan salt
- 16 oz of egg whites
- start by dicing the red pepper and the spinach while you preheat the over to 350 degrees. (i used frozen spinach so that i could continue to use it to make these throughout the month.) be sure and spray down the cups...even nonstick cups.
- fill each of the cups about 1/2 full with the egg whites.
- add as much or little of the spinach, red pepper, cheese, salt, and pepper as you prefer.
- give each cup a little stir and stick in the oven for about 15 minutes!
- enjoy! or divide out for each morning and give them a quick reheat when you want them.
a couple month's ago my mom asked me if i wanted to go with her and nathan on a trip somewhere out of the country for her week of vacation. she's a flight attendant and we fly basically for free. for those of you that don't know my brother nathan, he has terminal brain cancer. naturally my answer was "hell yes!" i don't like to turn down many trips, especially with my brother. we started knocking around different ideas and asked nathan where he wanted to go. he told us europe. we ended up deciding on costa rica because it seemed like the best fit. if nathan felt great he could run trails (his favorite) and if he felt bad (chemo) then he could lay on the beach or on the porch with an ocean view. adventures if we wanted adventures and rest if we needed rest. mom met a couple several years back on the plane and they are one of the owners at arenas del mar ..so she contacted him and he gave us quite the hookup (THANK YOU DAVE!!!)
we stayed one night in charlotte with our new friends matt and hannah vaughn who opened their home to us. matt is a pilot and hannah was a flight attendant with my mom. nate and i became quick friends with them and LOVED spending time there. we flew from charlotte > miami > san jose. in san jose we jumped on a much smaller airline (sansa air) and had a 30 minute flight into quepos. we were greeted by a friendly driver from arenas del mar that drove us to the resort where we were handed fresh juice (coconut water, basil, and pineapple.) we were exhausted from two days of traveling and went down to their beachside restaurant for a quick and early dinner. the rain beat on the bamboo roof of the open restaurant while i drank my "pura vida" (rum + pineapple + basil + coconut water with a bamboo straw) and i melted into my chair. peaceful doesn't even begin to describe it. i can't even begin to express how fabulous this resort is and not just aesthetically. sustainability is huge part of arenas del mar... they have ozone filtration system for the pool (no chlorine!), they use electric golf carts for transporting guests around the property, and a grey water management system to clean their water. they worked hard to build around the natural environment and you'll see trees going through some of the floors and roofs! i've also noticed how supportive they are of their employees and that speaks volumes to me. for instance, the bamboo straws are made by an employee. a couple nights of our trip they had one of the employees band play live music, and many times we saw the employees bringing their family to dinner on their nights off. it seemed to lack any sort of hierarchy. EVERYONE was treated like family. you can tell they truly love and appreciate their staff. and let me just talk about their staff real quick.......OH MY GOSH, YALL. i have never met more service minded individuals in my life. they will bend over backwards for you. the kindest culture i have ever been around. such a humbling experience learning how to serve better from the staff here.
ok so, the minute we walk into our room and set our bags down they tell us "make sure to close and lock your doors to outside or else raccoons will come in and eat all your food" naturally i immediately open the door....
the rooms are over the top fabulous too, i might add. the stocked "tico bar" is all complimentary and restocked daily. its got everything from beer, nuts, local snacks, chocolate covered pineapple (TO DIE FOR), to kombucha. the rooms overlook the pacific ocean and have a hot tub on the porch!
so one of the first plans we made was with naturalist michael araya flores to guide us through manuel antonio national park. right when i had finally started trusting the people and the water (because i really thought it was like mexico, but now i feel like its cleaner than our water at home) we were having a total stranger come pick us up. but michael is THE FREAKING MAN. i think he's my spirit animal. he picked us up in a very nice van with some smooth jazz playing. he spoke outstanding english and packed us a healthy snack (+ a cookie) with waters! he knew almost every person we passed on the street walking into the park. he clearly has no shortage of friends. i quickly learned that when you hire michael, you're also hiring about 10 other guides. he asked what we hoped to see and i told him i wanted to see a fer de lance and/or eyelash pit viper..he then called all his other friends guiding and told them to call him if they found one. my mom came here a couple years ago and walked through manuel antonio with a friend and she said she felt like there were so many things she didn't see because they didn't know where to look. thats the main reason we hired michael, we didn't want to miss a thing... and we didn't. michael knew where to find EVERYTHING. what leaves to look under to find leaf nosed bats, what logs to check for poison dark frogs, where to find helmet lizards, you name it..michael knew. he blew my freaking mind. another awesome perk of going with michael is his amazing scope he used and could shoot photos through with our iPhones. my iPhone pics are better than my camera photos by a LONG shot. heres a few things we got through the scope with my phone:
the hike ended up being around 4 miles and was one of my favorite days. michael and i could've talked animals and plants all day long #sciencenerds ....if you are going to be near manuel antonio, you HAVE to call michael! the cost was around $50 a person and i tipped him another $50 because he was so phenomenal. just a few little crazy facts for you...costa rica encompasses only 0.03% of the earth's landmass yet contains 5% of the earth's biodiversity. manuel antonio national park is also one of the most diverse spots in costa rica, with 200 species of birds and over 100 animals. we saw more animals than i would've ever dreamt!
another day that will stick out as one of my favorites was our trip to villa vanilla, a biodynamic and sustainable farm about 40 minutes from quepos. we had gisele as our guide and she did a wonderful job showing us how the farm. we had john and cathy join us from a neighboring resort and we had such a great time together. at villa vanilla they grow cocoa, vanilla beans, ceylon cinnamon,cardamom, ylang ylang, all spice, clove, black pepper, and so many more. they even grow some fruits and veggies just for the animals so that they don't eat the crops. no pesticides, herbicides, or any other crap on the crops around here. the owner of the farm, henry, said the farm has been certified organic since 1992 and biodynamic since 2000. things that have become so mainstream at home are just normal practice down here. people live active lifestyles, thrive on organic plants, vegetables, and fish, and have far longer life expectancies in costa rica.
here's the steps of getting chocolate:
if you're any type of foodie, this is definitely an excursion to take. john and cathy took home some fresh vanilla to make a homemade vanilla porter with! the tour ended with a sampling of things made from the the crops of the farm: cinnamon bark tea, chocolate, vanilla bean cheesecake, vanilla bean ice-cream, and a cocoa nib cookie. SO DANG GOOD. fresh and from scratch. a few other photos from the farm:
also, speaking of good food... the food at arenas del mar's restaurant (el mirador bar and restaurant) is TO DIE FOR!! i did some research and found that costa rica was never known for good food, even though they have some amazing fruits, vegetables, and fish. One of the owners of arenas, dave, often visited a restaurant named blackfish outside of philadelphia owned by his friend and outstanding chef, chip roman. as luck would have it, we ended up meeting chip and his adorable wife amanda and their 4 kids while we were down there. chip completely revamped the food at arenas and y'all...whether you stay there or not, YOU MUST go eat there. i truly never had one bad meal... coconut milk chia pudding, mahi mahi, nachos, corn tortillas, pizza, you name it! it was all over the top good.
so on the last night of our trip, we spent the night in San Jose because our flight was too early to catch to leave from arenas del mar. we spent the day in San Jose shopping at a mall bigger than any mall I've ever been to. it also had every store you could ever want, with an ice cream shop every 4th store. nate opted out of shopping (per usual) for a run and a trip to the casino. he clearly doesn't know how much cardio mom and i can get trailblazing a new mall, haha! so we shopped around and got some things. we planned on meeting nate for an early dinner since we had to get up around 3:30am for our flight. there's a great Japanese restaurant in the hotel we stayed at called fuji (which also happens to be nate's favorite place in Knoxville) ... with a hotel casino + fuji nate was in his happy place! we ate a quick dinner and headed to bed. mom gave each of us an ambien so we could fall asleep easily at such an early hour but then at 8:28 (one hour after the ambien) the room started shaking, scratch that, SWAYING. we were 10 floors up in a 12 story building. as it swayed my first thought was "was that a bomb? high winds? a volcano?" And then it hit me "holy shit it's an earthquake!!!!!"
my whole body started shaking like it does when i have panic attacks. nate came running in our room as it continued to sway and he said "were the tenth story!" And I said "on the news?" I was convinced he had already googled it and it was making headlines. He said "no! 10 stories up!!!" he wasn't afraid but more wondering "wtf do we do?" thoughts no one should ever have racing through my mind "what's above me about to crash on me? do I put a pillow over my face? if we run out to take the stairs what if we don't make it all the way down before the building collapses? are we safer up here where only two floors fall on us? is this how our life ends?"
i could hear the waves being made in the toilet and splashing out on the floor. i could hear things shaking but didn't know what,if anything at all, was about to fall. i sent out a quick text with my trembling hands to cal: "We're having an earthquake" and he said "a big one?" i replied "omfg. i'm having a panic attack" i decided to facetime him because it seemed easier. the swaying of our room stopped after a couple of minutes but my body continued to shake. SO. MUCH. ADRENALINE. we felt one aftershock. i facetimed my dad and stepmom who urged us to leave the hotel and go on to the airport. i looked out the window to see most of the hotel had evacuated and we debated going out. we truly believed the worst of it was over so we decided to try to sleep. i laid in bed researching tectonic plates and effects of earthquakes. i checked the news and saw it was on the front of cnn. i was stunned. in one hour there were earthquakes in Costa Rica, Iran, and Japan. Costa Rica's measured a 6.5-6.9 (varying reports.) once the adrenaline started to wear off and i realized we were safe, i just couldn't help but think about how cool it actually was. the earth so alive under us. however, being in a 6.8 magnitude earthquake on ambien is NOT the way to do it.
the next day nate talked about how he wasn't scared. he said he's actually not scared of much of anything anymore. the minute i feel life out of control, i panic... but not nate. one of the many things i learned from him this week. very grateful for our time together and even more thrilled it was at such a fabulous place.
a few other things i took away from the trip:
1. costa rica water isn't like mexico. i legit think its safer than ours at home.
2. spend more time with those you love and less time on your phone.
3. the garden of eden HAD to be in costa rica.
4. hummingbirds are tiny little assholes to each other.
5. the waves on the pacific are terrifying and show no mercy.
6. rain makes the garden grow.
7. if you want to learn how to serve others well, learn from a costa rican tico or tica.
8. i actually don't hate coconuts or fish when they are fresh.
9. raccoons can open doors and locks and WILL eat everything in site, like your drunk college friends.
10. sunrise and sunset is at the exact same time every day of the year in costa rica because of its close proximity to the equator.
11. cinnamon bark straight from the tree is better than cinnamon gum.
12. and dark chocolate covered pineapple is better than any reese's cup.
13. always make enough time in case you get behind someone in security at the airport that has a desktop computer, multiple laptops, and 8 iPads in his bag.
14. you don't need phone service in costa because literally EVERYWHERE has wifi, even the cars.
15. travel often. pura vida!
(more photos below)
ok so before i go posting the details, i HAVE to tell you guys about this blazer. so one morning i got an email from the real real saying that they had items from kourtney kardashian, kris jenner, and khloe kardashian's closet available to shop. being the kardashian lover i am, i jumped on IMMEDIATELY to shop. strangely enough, the prices were more than fair and weren't crazy high just because of who the items were...which i thought was really cool. within SECONDS, just about everything was "on hold" (when you put something in your cart on the real real, its on hold for 20 min) i scrolled up and down through everything looking to see who's clothes would fit me. i quickly found out that kourtney is TINNNNNYYY, i'm talking like a 23-24 in jeans, xxs-xs shirts, and size 5 shoes... so i skipped past her stuff and scanned kris and khloe's. after about 20 minutes, stuff people were holding in their carts but they never purchased started popping up. when i saw this alexander wang blazer of khloe's i bought it IMMEDIATELY. it was about $140 for an easily $900 blazer. i felt like i won. i texted cal and he wrote back "so you're the size of the fat one?" (cal hasn't watched the show in about 5 years) and i snapped back about how amazing she looks now, haha! like a total lunatic, i immediately smelled it when it came in. it smelled strange and definitely not a recognizable perfume. it had a couple dog hairs on the inside and the inner wash care tag was so worn it was illegible. i had scored a piece she DEFINITELY wore!!!
then i started googling looking for photos of her in it....i realized it she had worn it, she wore it as a shirt because thats apparently her go to move:
(khloe in the actual blazer)